


Everything You've Experienced So Far

by colazitron



Series: 2018 December Holiday Fic Countdown [11]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Character Study, Coming Out, F/F, Gen, M/M, Self-Discovery, y'all keep asking for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 13:30:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16954956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: Vilde wants to talk to Even.





	Everything You've Experienced So Far

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I am in now way affiliated with the characters depicted herein or their creators. I made this all up. This is for fun.
> 
>  **A/N:** for anon who wanted Vilde talking about her sexuality to Even
> 
> PS: yes, all these fics are unbeated because I'm a mess and I have no time management skills I'm sorry

“Vilde?”

Vilde startles at the voice and whirls around, almost losing her balance on the wet stone underneath her, but Isak reaches out lightning fast and grabs her by the arm, steadying her. His eyes are wide when she meets them.

“Sorry, fuck! I didn't mean to startle you,” he says. He's got his backpack on his back, and a bag of groceries in his free hand.

“No, it's alright,” Vilde says and smiles. It feels a little shaky with her heart still hammering away in her chest and her mind chanting _almost fell almost fell almost fell_. “I was just being clumsy.”

Isak smiles, and then looks between her and the front door to the building he and Even live in.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, though not rudely. Just curious.

Still, Vilde feels herself flush with more than just the cold and can't quite quell the impulse to duck down into her scarf. She giggles a little and reaches up to adjust her hat.

“Well, I-- you see, I was-- around, and I thought--”

Isak's eyes narrow in something like suspicion and Vilde's heart starts beating even faster, tongue feeling swollen in her mouth as she trips over her words. He's clearly not buying it, and Vilde can't blame him. She wouldn't buy it either. She should have thought of something to say. Or rung the bell fifteen minutes ago when she got here! Stupid. Stupid!

“… would you like to come up?” Isak offers, taking her out of her misery. “Get warm? Maybe have a cup of tea?”

Vilde flushes again and looks down at the toes of her shoes, soft grey and shiny and new. She likes these shoes. They look as soft as they feel and they keep her feet blissfully warm.

She nods.

“Yes, thank you,” she says.

Isak smiles and slips one arm out of the backpack strap so he can swing it around to the front and dig his keys out.

Vilde steps aside to let him unlock the door and then slips into the building when he gestures to go first. She waits as he checks their mailbox, and then holds out a hand to him.

“Can I help you with that?” she offers.

Isak smiles at her and shakes his head.

“Nah, it's okay,” he says. “It's not that heavy. I've got it.”

She waits for him to take the lead again and stares at the worn, dark brown leather of his backpack in front of her, the same one he's been using since they all went to school together. Sometimes that seems so long ago to her, and then other days she feels like she's still supposed to be there, like she's having a really strange waking dream. Some odd 13 Going On 30 situation where any moment she's going to wake up and realise that if she doesn't change how she lives her life, she's going to end up miserable.

But no.

She doesn't wake up.

She's just miserable.

“We're up on the fourth floor,” Isak says after the first two sets of stairs.

Vilde takes off her hat and unravels her scarf, already feeling herself run hot.

“Why don't you take the elevator?” she asks.

Isak glances back at her briefly and grins.

“Exercise,” he explains. “You don't mind, do you?”

She huffs a laugh and shakes her head.

“No, I don't mind.”

Vilde likes to think she's gotten better at treating her body less like… an obstacle to overcome. A burden to have to contend with. As something that can give her joy and pleasure. That enables her to live her life and experience a whole variety of wonderful things. But she still likes exercise. She likes keeping her body fit, likes knowing what it can do.

They climb the stairs in silence until they reach the fourth floor, and then Vilde follows Isak a little bit down the corridor until he comes to stand in front of their door. He digs his keys out of the jacket pocket he put them in earlier, and then lets the door swing inwards, brushing some of the wetness off his shoes on the doormat in front of it. It says _You Again?_ And Vilde smiles down at it.

“I'm home!” Isak calls, not very loudly, because his and Even's flat isn't very big.

Vilde follows him in cautiously, heartbeat speeding back up as she thinks about why she wanted to come over in the first place. She'll just… have to do it some other day. She'll have a cup of tea, make an excuse, and be on her way.

Even comes over into the hallway from the other room just as Vilde closes the door behind herself. His hair is messy like he's been running his hands through it, and the sleeves of his jumper and shirt underneath are pushed up on his arms a little.

“Hey, baby,” Isak says and turns his face up into the kiss hello Even leans in to give him.

Vilde feels her stomach tug at the sight of them and busies herself with peeling out of her layers, turning away to give them privacy.

She can still hear the smacking of their lips when they separate. Again, again, and again.

“Hi, Vilde,” Even says then, his voice warm and friendly as always.

Vilde turns to smile at him.

“Hello,” she says. “Isak said it'd be alright if I came up for a bit.”

“Found her shivering on the doorstep downstairs, trying to hypnotise the doorbell,” Isak teases, but he's still smiling.

Vilde flushes anyway.

Even laughs a low, sweet laugh.

“Well, it's a little overwhelming, with all the names.”

 _Valtersen, Bech Næsheim._ She'd known exactly what to look for and she'd found it too, but she lets them assume – or pretend? – that maybe she didn't remember.

Isak hums and then starts peeling off his layers too. Even leans down to grab the bag of groceries Isak set down and moves into the kitchen with it.

“Do you want some tea, Vilde? Come choose,” he says, so Vilde shuffles past Isak and moves into the kitchen after Even.

She's never been here. In all the years she's known Isak and Even, she's never had reason to come over. She and Isak aren't really those kinds of friends, and she and Even even less so. It feels oddly intimate, being here in their space, seeing the pictures they've thumb-tacked to the wall in the kitchen and watching Even put away the things that need to go in the fridge first. Then he grabs a box from one of the cabinets and sets it down in front of Vilde on the counter.

“Which one would you like?” he asks, and moves away to, presumably, get some mugs.

Vilde watches him for a moment, wonders if this is what he would be doing if she rang that doorbell when she got here, and then looks down at their tea collection and can't help but smile to herself. There's the classic black and green tea, but there's also spiced apple, blueberry, lavender and licorice, rose, chamomile, various herbal mixes… they're real tea enthusiasts.

She flips through them, trying to decide, while Even puts the rest of the things away and then fills the electric kettle. He grabs a bag of black and a bag of blueberry, and Vilde grabs the rose.

“That one's nice,” Even says and then offers her one of the mugs to put it in. It's pink, and for a moment Vilde wonders why they have it, then immediately feels bad for wondering.

The kettle clicks as the water boils and it shuts itself off, and Even reaches over easily, pouring water for all three of them.

Vilde watches and plays with the tag on her teabag.

“Are you alright?” Even asks, quietly, like he's making sure Isak can't hear, when he sets the kettle back down.

Vilde's gaze jumps up to meet his, his face soft and open, brow furrowed a little.

“Of course!” Vilde chirps. “Just a bit cold.”

Even studies her for a moment longer and then smiles gently.

“Alright,” he says, and then picks up his and Isak's mugs of tea and jerks his head for her to follow him.

She grabs her own mug and does, pads carefully around the corner into the room dominated by their bed and closet.

Isak's shuffling papers around on the table, making haphazard piles so they'll have enough space to set their mugs down.

“Your stuff's all here,” Isak says, tapping a careful fingertip down on one of the piles, smiling over at Even.

Even smiles back and nods.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Is it going okay?” Isak asks, and brushes any possible dirt off the chair he pushes out to offer to Vilde with a distracted smile before he turns back to Even.

“Yeah, it's fine,” Even says. “I'm feeling a lot better about it than I did this morning.”

Isak smiles, warm and satisfied.

“That's good.”

Even laughs his gentle, quiet laugh again.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. You told me so.”

Isak holds his hands up in mock surrender and Vilde bites back a giggle.

“I didn't say anything,” Isak insists.

“Didn't have to, baby,” Even teases and sets the blueberry tea down in front of Isak before he leans over the table for another sweet kiss. Isak meets him in the middle.

“So, what brings you to our neighbourhood?” Even asks once they're all settled, smiling over at Vilde.

“Oh!” Vilde says, thoughts racing. She really _should_ have come up with something in the time from downstairs to now! “I was just… around.”

“Oh,” Even says, and Vilde can't tell if he believes her, but Even brushes it off with another smile either way. “That's lucky for us then.”

Vilde feels her smile widen, flattered even while she feels a little like she shouldn't be. She and Isak don't always get along so well and while it's certainly gotten a lot better over the years, they've learned to understand each others' quirks, she can't help the small voice in her head that tells her he's patronising her. That he doesn't really think they're lucky to have her intrude on their time with each other. And why would they?

“Thank you for inviting me in,” she says and takes a sip of her still-too-hot tea when they both look at her a little oddly. Maybe she shouldn't have said that either.

“Of course,” Isak says. “Noora and Eva would skin me alive if they found out I let you freeze.”

He winks at her as he says it, clearly teasing, and she smiles back at him, hopes he can't tell how thin it is. Judging by the look Isak and Even share for a brief second the small scuffle under the table, she thinks probably at least Even could tell.

“Anyway,” Even cuts in, “what are you up to these days? We haven't seen you in a while.”

“Oh, just more of the same,” Vilde says. “Classes, mostly. I work Saturdays now.”

“Oh?” Even asks, politely encouraging her to go on.

“It's just selling gløgg at the Christmas market in Spikersuppa,” she says dismissively. “But it's fun! And it's a little extra Christmas money, that's always nice.”

“Yes, very,” Even agrees. “I've picked up a few extra shifts too.”

Isak rolls his eyes at that, and Even shoots him an amused but reprimanding look.

“Stop reading my thoughts if they bother you,” Isak teases.

“Stop broadcasting them,” Even teases back.

Vilde grins down into her mug, taking another sip. It's still too hot. She steals a glance at Even when she looks back up, studies the way he sits in his chair, so relaxed. Sure, they're in his home, but she's always envied Even the ability of seeming at home anywhere she saw him. Like nothing could rattle him, when she knows, somewhat, that there are a lot of things that probably could – or that she feels like would make her feel small and jittery.

Isak leans down to the side to rummage through his backpack then and curses quietly as he sits back up.

“I think I forgot one of my books in the library,” he says. “I'm gonna have to go and get it.”

“Oh,” Even says.

“I'm really sorry,” Isak says. “I really need it for my assignment before tomorrow. Fuck, I was working on it earlier I must have forgotten to pack it or something.”

“Yeah, sure,” Even says, straightening up when Isak gets up from his chair as if to stand as well.

Isak waves him off.

“No, no. Stay. I'll be quick. Vilde will keep you company, right?”

“Oh!” Vilde says, watching them link gazes over her head. “Of course.”

Even smiles at her.

“I'll be quick,” Isak promises again, and rounds the table to lean down to give Even another kiss.

Vilde turns to look after him, watching him pull on his shoes and coat hurriedly. He's out the door before his scarf's even around his neck, coat not yet buttoned up.

The sound of the door falling shut echoes loudly in the flat.

“Well,” Even says and then laughs. “There he goes.”

Vilde laughs as well.

“Sana's always forgetting her things at the library too, making us all walk back for them,” she says.

Even shakes his head fondly.

“Those two geniuses can be pretty dumb.”

Vilde giggles a little and then picks up her mug again. She takes another few careful sips, blows on the tea. It is pretty good, now that she can taste more than just the heat of the water.

Even picks up his tea as well, and Vilde swallows her harshly beating heart down into her chest.

“Even?” she asks, clearing her throat awkwardly when her voice comes out a little scratchy.

“Hm?”

“I did actually come over to talk to you,” she confesses, staring down into her light pink tea.

“Oh?” he asks and sets his mug of tea down, his fingers crossed over each other where he wraps them around it. He leans forward a little and smiles at her. “About what?”

Vilde fidgets with the tag of her teabag, twists the mug in her hands, reaches shaking fingers up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I just don't really know who to talk to,” she says, voice barely above a whisper, and her eyes glued to the surface of the table. There's a stain there that she rubs at.

Even hums thoughtfully.

“You don't think your friends would want to be there for you?” he prods gently.

Vilde shrugs, then nods.

“No, of course they would,” she says and rubs at the stain harder.

Even hums again.

“Sometimes it's hard to talk to your close friends,” he says gently.

Vilde ducks her head in between her shoulders, but then she nods. She can feel her throat closing up again and her eyes sting with tears, so she blinks, trying to hold them back.

“Can I ask you something?” she says when he doesn't ask for anything else after a long moment of silence.

“Yeah, sure,” he says.

She braves glancing up at him, and there's nothing but a curious sort of openness on his face, his posture relaxed as ever. She really wonders how he does it.

She looks back down.

“How did you… know? That you liked boys too?”

She curls her fingers and crosses her legs tightly, almost stumbling over the question in her haste to get it out before her heart can beat the hesitation back into her. Then she has to glance up to see his reaction.

She expects… sympathy, maybe. Maybe even pity? Or understanding? What she sees is thoughtfulness.

“I'm not sure,” he says, staring off into nothing. “It's weird, because now that I, you know, _know_ , when I look back I go 'oh, obviously I had a crush on this boy or that boy'. But at the time, I didn't know.”

Vilde swallows again, tilting her face up towards the ceiling and blinking heavily.

“I was already pretty sure I wasn't as straight as most of my friends by the time I was seventeen, but I kept thinking maybe I was just… acting it out, almost. Like I was trying the idea on, but I didn't _really_ want to be with boys too,” Even says. “I was so in love with Sonja at the time, that I didn't really spend too much time thinking about it. And I felt guilty too, even wondering about other people, whether they were boys or girls.”

Vilde nods a little.

Even smiles at her, but it's not quite as warm and steady for the first time she's seen today.

“And then Mikael happened and it was all very messy. It got tangled up with the whole bipolar thing.”

Vilde nods again.

“Actually, when I met Isak, it was a bit like… I saw him across the school yard, you know? And I thought 'wow, he's cute',” he says, smile ticking up a notch as he remembers and Vilde automatically smiles with him. “And there was a part of my mind that was just… relieved. Like I'd been right and now there was finally proof for it. I wasn't just trying the idea on, and it wasn't my mind exaggerating things. Sometimes the people I think are cute just happen to be boys.”

Vilde nods yet again and lifts her mug for another sip of tea, but her hands are shaking and she can't quite unclench her jaw.

“Are you… wondering about yourself?” Even asks gently.

Vilde bursts into tears. A bit of tea sloshes over the rim of the mug as she sets it back down hastily so she can bury her face in her hands and sob into them.

“I'm sorry,” she says. “I don't know--”

“No, shit, I'm sorry,” Even says frantically. She hears his chair scraping against the floor and then there are hands on her wrists, her shoulders.

“I-- sorry, is it-- is it okay if I hug you?” he asks.

Vilde sobs again and nods, face buried in her hands still and then her hands pressed up against Even's shoulder, his arms around her and his head pressed to the side of hers.

“Sh, it's okay. I'm so sorry, Vilde. It's okay,” he coos, holding her tightly and rocking her a little.

Really, Vilde doesn't know what's happening, and she feels her belly burn hot with embarrassment, but it also feels good. It feels like release, and so she cries a little more until she can feel her heart settle again.

“There you go,” Even says when she pulls back again and starts wiping at her cheeks. He lets go of her to get up and grab a box of tissues, holding it out to her when he comes back.

“I'm really sorry,” she says. “I don't know why that happened.”

“That's okay,” Even says with a smile, still kneeling next to her chair, now sat back on his haunches and looking up at her. “Sometimes it's good to cry.”

She nods and blows her nose as delicately as she can, blotting at her face with another tissue.

“I've just been pushing it aside for so long, I think,” she says. “I know it's silly, because there's you and Isak, and Eva and Noora, but I still… I didn't know how…”

Even keeps smiling at her and reaches up to grab one of her hands, giving it a friendly squeeze.

“It's always harder when it's about you,” he says. “But anything you want to talk about, I'm here. And Isak and Eva and Noora too, if you want to. And all of your friends, I'm sure.”

Vilde nods and grabs another tissue, trying to wipe the stickiness off her face.

Even doesn't push her anymore, but Vilde feels this big bubble rise up in her chest, bright and hot, and so she blurts, “I think I'm a lesbian.”

Even smiles at her and squeezes her hand again.

“Can I give you another hug?” he asks. “That's great. Thank you for trusting me with that.”

Vilde feels another few tears run down her cheeks and then nods.

“Yes, please,” she says. “Thank you.”

Even's knees crack a bit as he leans up, and they both laugh.

This time Vilde holds on tightly in return when Even holds her.

“Can I tell you more about it?” Vilde asks when they pull back, still feeling shy, but also excited. Her makeup is probably completely ruined and she doesn't want to know what she looks like right now, but Even's smiling at her brightly and nods.

“Of course,” he says. “I'll get the cookies and we'll have a chat.”

Vilde huffs another small laugh and nods.

“Okay,” she says. “Thank you.”

Even grins and gets up, shaking his head at her.

“Of course, Vilde. You can stop by anytime.”

This time, she believes him, and swallows the fresh tears back down.

He goes to get the cookies, and Vilde takes a deep shaky breath, tasting salt and snot, but also something… new. Something relaxed and right deep in her chest. Something that's loosened. She's still sticky and puffy from crying, but despite that, she feels clean.

“Alright,” Even says as he comes back and sets down the box of cookies between them as he takes his seat. “Tell me.”

Vilde smiles, and does.

 

**The End**


End file.
